2008, a year of first times & more

It’s the time of the year again where a full year review of 2008 is done.

It’s hard to fully describe 2008 accurately in a subject title but I shall let the content speak its heart.

A year of first times -

- First job that bestowed upon me when i was thrown into the workforce, as an investor relations consultant

- Achieving a pay raise and promotion in less than a year at job, but surprisingly the feeling wasn’t ecstatic

- Descending to the Big Apple and lovin’ it, Canada was great

- Accomplishing 3/4 marathons set out at the beginning of the year; JP Morgan, Adidas Sundown & Stanchart. Gave GE Women a miss due to bout of flu

- Transcending to Hindi movies and begging for more thanks to someone…:P

- Experiencing the act, beauty and intensity of the union..

- Getting counselled on my life and destiny through Ba Zi reading, a point of time where I needed directions & affirmation…

2008 definitely stirred my emotions awake.

There were highs and lows…the lows were excruciatingly painful: I almost gave up my relationship at one point because of the arduous quarreling Romi and I went through. We were at the stage where no strong foundation was laid, no compromise, no understanding and certainly no security. Now that we’ve made things clear and got our expectations ironed out, we both are determined to build this relationship together. Moving forward, all i need is to have more faith, more trust about this special relationship that we are sharing. I’ve seen the big leap, I’ve seen the transition and I believe that what we’re having now is something true. Romi makes me happier and sadder than anyone else.

Contrary to many people out there, i cherish my birthdays, my life even much more than before and I really want my birthday to be different or special. Nothing beats having the people that loves me and I love celebrating the end of 2008 with me. It’s not the cake, it’s not the gift…but the presence. A pity that I’ve lost a best friend this year. We used to be inseparable for many many years…and now we are rarely in speaking terms. Work compounded the rift but who is to blame when the friendship lacked the effort. The ship has sailed… and things are no longer the same. It works the same as a relationship…it takes two to dance and if one’s fighting more to salvage to no avail, disappointment sets in and you stop trying. All you can do is bit your lip, embrace the fact that most things are transient in life and refocus on the people that reciprocate. Sometimes it’s surprising that acquaintances or not-so-close friends demonstrate more effort to catch up…

I have a raging desire to build a business of my own in future. I’m bouncing ideas with a few savvy friends and with Romi boy, who wants to set up a fund house. I told him i wanted to be his PA. Easy money, babbbby. I can’t see myself being an employee all my life, muting my freedom and innate capacity to express. We’ll see…

Next year, I hope to climb further up the corporate ladder. To take up a new sport or activity. Romi boy suggested ballroom dancing. Cheryl suggested mountain biking. But to start, I surely want to pick up cooking. After getting addicted to Little Nyonya, I want to cook nice dishes for my family and Romi boy! Also to continue staying fit with regular exercises and marathons.

Lastly, to travel round the world. My next stop, I believe, would be India. Hehe!

Merry Early Christmas Everyone!

whee!

Burnt a big fucking hole on my pocket today but all in the name of glam fashion. I’m gonna be a princess this 23rd birthday. It’s all going to be all luxury and comfy with the potato and i can’t wait. I am his princess so therefore I am gonna dress up as one! Mind you, nothing frilly nor pink. I’m a fall princess; icy and cool. I swore secrecy until the day of my birthday, where then i would reveal the Dress of the Year. I think i will beat every women on the day hands down!

I told you, I swear to make this Christmas different, wild and indelible!

Until then…I shall mend my poor pocket…my first resolution is to open a bank account, dock a fraction of my net pay in and never to take them out until life-death circumstances deem necessary.

Coming Monday to Thursday is my long awaited break; finally managed to get my leave all cleared towards the year end. I need a break from everything that stresses me out man; from everything that potentially fades my black hair to grey…

It’s time to evaluate the goals that i set right at the start of the year and start setting new goals for the next…and to find out my gains and losses of 2008. Hmm, I can’t wait myself.

coming to terms

Looks like i can’t run away any further. Truth to be told, I am running away from this blog because it compels me to think and take stock of my life and believe me, this is one slice of life that i wish not to unveil to people…and wish not to come to terms with it yet. Suffice to say – the mental fatigue i’ve been rallying for weeks is bringing me down to my knees.

On a sunshine note, I have just returned from the Big Apple. All in all, it was an invigorating holiday, considering that i left home in mind that this is my official graduation trip. I couldn’t ask for me really – Winnie has been playing multiple roles to ensure that while we had fun, we were safe and guarded too.

Acquainted with a few Singaporean friends when we were there…of which i believe Melissa has become our friends. Visited NY – namely Manhattan and i guess the highlights of it were the incessant walking from street to street, avenue to avenue. We visited key places but I believe i could have appreciated them better if NYC was cooler to walk in.

I would say the most intriguing thing about NYC is the vibrancy, the diversity and…dare i say queerness of the Manhattan mass. I observed more than i talked and brought home with a mindset that they are people with layers and complexity..although probably not something that they voluntarily wish for.

The Blacks caught me in fascination. And in my own humble opinion, the most perplexed, troubled yet more genuine set of homo sapiens. Never have the ideologies of the Blacks hit me so hard when i was in the States than i was back at home with my preconceived notions via pop culture and cultural studies classes. Never have feminism, racism and inequality as well. It was so pronounced, apparent that for a moment, all these closet ideologies can be physically touched and felt by my hand.

The other highlights would be Niagara Falls & Montreal Canada, will update soon. I will be progressively updating my Facebook albums. Part I is out.

Over and out.

Milestones of 2008

I realised that i didn’t set any specific milestones for 2008 and hence i hereby shall.

Job wise, I guess the best way of performance measurement is through verbal compliments and an identifiable pay-rise. This job is gonna be ultra challenging for me but since I made that choice, for better or for worse, I will stick to it and make the best out of it; I still stay put and strong about my personal credo -  never say quit and the more you say no to me, the more I’ll disprove to you. Yes, i will reign any adversity.

Also to see myself happier, really and genuinely happier deep down in the narrowest of corridors of my heart.

To get my engines rolling and sign up for some short marathon. I hate being lazy and i definitely judge lazy people. We just need to find that inspiration. And hopefully effects like being slim, tan and healthy would come along with the runs.

Do some good for the world – volunteering, playing a part in worldwide environmental campaigns, involving in human rights or social activism – and it will start from home.

To renew friendships that matter and maintain that, especially the Princess Gang – at least the active ones.

And lastly, to be more knowledgeable about things. It’s good to always be in the know and since I’m at it, Richard Edelman neatly sums up the latest breaking news and events that are dogging the US and just as well, the global economy, in his latest trip to Davos.

the apex and nadir of 2007.

This is not my ideal time to wrap up the last chapter of the year but i guess i might as well. 2007 – an eventful and overarching year for me and perhaps also the hardest few months of my life. But all in all, I’ve explored, discovered, learned, stretched, fell, picked up greatly enough to say that I’ve grown…up and out.

2008 will be a welcoming year because my heart will have to give way and space for a new addition in my life- career, alongside with family, friends and love. By the looks of it, i foresee that the gradient of my learning curve next year will be no less steeper than 2007 but i will pray so so hard that things will turn out better and brighter or if not, that i will be more adept in engulfing it.

Friends – I was just talking to my sis on an enigmatic concept called Friendship. We grew up having friends around us but how much do we actually comprehend and value it? Like BG-relationships, people all subscribe to different perceptions, values and beliefs to Friendship where some might find it tremendously overrated or underrated. There’s no right or wrong to your approach but again, liken this to BG-relationships, i guess it is all about finding the kind of friend who values it as much as you do. Through it all, I’ve gained a perspective on how to approach this valuable yet precarious concept – to avoid any disappointments, i shall just level my expectations and vary my efforts according to the amount that I’ve received. But of course, to the one who have always stood by my side – rain or shine, peak or trough – know that i appreciate you and i always will. I might be sedentary myself but I’m picking up because it is worth going the extra mile…for the one who cares and values this puzzling concept called Friendship as much as i do.

Family – A year where family ties are strengthened. Visiting Shanghai was the greatest thing – but also the greatest mistake – of my life; but i would like to think that it had done me more good than bad. My uncle and aunt, whom i barely conversed proper with for the past two decades as they were heavily misunderstood, and i were reacquainted and they are now family to me, to my heart. I found myself prompted to chat up and meet up out of pure willingness and even with a slightest bit of anticipation.

My dad, mum, sis and i leveled up to a higher form of understanding where open communication now take place and where things and decisions are made more transparently. I guess we all have come to a realization that my sis and i are now grown-ups, being rightfully adults and capable of understanding…things. Being open have also made us, especially my dad, more expressive and have made the whole process of coming to terms with myself easier. And i foresee that 2008 will be an even tighter year for us as work commitments would make us scuttle for more family lovin’ and togetherness.

Love – Something that i have purposefully left out for the last. What can i say, another one down and i am not one bit proud of it. And while i said that i took more than i gave, I played the role as best i could. I really wanted the relationship to work out because i really thought it could. I told myself that if everything went well after August, i would let my guard down and love completely. What tougher obstacle would we face, I’d thought to myself. Apparently, the toughest had yet to come until i was thrown off guard completely and found myself having to wrestle with the pain, hurt, betrayal and loneliness that had greeted me in the midst of school that were so uncalled for. Thinking back all the subtle trails that had led to the break-up, I realized that that journey back then was one big pack of lie. You’d wonder, beyond human imagination, how people would have the heart to do this to someone else. Even right till the end, there was no truth and i was left to pick up the broken pieces, make sense out of them and make a final closure. My family were as affected as i was and this saga only further solidified my creed about never giving more than you take. And about trust. What trust?

Some of my personal mantras almost ever since i was born – to never change for someone because you can never. Respect the freedom and space that is rightfully yours. Trust that they love you…today but might not tomorrow.

I’m not sure if these mantras of mine are flawed because they have apparently worked against me and my last relationship; yet, they are beliefs that i uphold so strongly and that have been guiding and governing my life flawlessly thus far. Maybe they were just applied on the wrong person. Whatever it is, I still believe that i am a blessed child and that all things happen for a reason. My heart didn’t die and yes, i hear you about what didn’t kill you only make you stronger: i have emerged to become a more comprehensive being that I’m not ashamed of.

In fact, i cannot be thankful enough. It is one good year of personal development, character education, tumultuous life expedition and metamorphosis. I should be glad that i penned all of my thoughts down – it is a brilliant way of gaining an aerial view of life and sorting out the first step to refocus on things and people that matter and retreat from those that don’t.

Goodbye 2007.

Bring on 2008.

If the terrain does not improve, thou shall tough it out with a stronger trekking gear.